


What Remains

by ashamtly



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), POV First Person, Post-Canon, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 20:00:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17453339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashamtly/pseuds/ashamtly
Summary: "Pictures can be lost and erased, stories fade away, memories be forgotten, so, in an effort to not let him share the same destiny that so many have in the past, in an effort to keep him with you..."(It's been 500 years, and someone's still trying to hold on)





	What Remains

**Author's Note:**

> So... apparently, I'm back to writing and angst none the less! (no surprise there)  
> Anyhow, hopefully, this means I'll be able to finish my other stories!  
> Once again remember English is not my first language and have no beta reader, so... I'm sorry for the mistakes, I hope you're able to enjoy it anyway, and as always any comments and/or feedback will be greatly appreciated!  
> Also! I hope it's ok I didn't put a character in the tags, but... well, you will understand.

It's been more than 500 years, and still..., you can't get used to it.  
To the music that blasts through the walls and ceiling, that makes the ground shake; to the dancing that seems to you more and more like just rubbing against each other and the nonstop drinking.

If your friends could see you now, they would probably be surprised of how... even after all these years, you still can't let go, and have fun..., like...

Or perhaps they wouldn't be, you reflect a little nostalgically, after all, they knew you better than that, almost as much as...

You can barely remember them now, so... you always make an effort, but... no matter how hard you try, they seem to fly away, out of your memories grasp.

Nowadays, you can barely recall what they looked like, as well as the memories you shared with them, so you do your best to surround yourself with all the people that knew them, well at least those that are still alive, but still... for as much as Catarina and Madzie knew them, they really didn't know them that well, except for...

"ALEC!" someone shouts at you from within the crowd, and you can see him move in your direction, Michael Herondale. "You came!" the strawberry blonde young man greets with such joy and happiness, you would swear it's been years you haven't see each other, instead of a couple of months.  
"It's not like I had an option" you mumble under your breath, loud enough to be heard  
"Oh! Come on Alec! Don't be like that!" The oldest of the Herondale siblings laughs, trying to head nudge you, but... he's far too young and untrained to even come close to do it.

Not that any training would have given him any advantage at this point in your life since you have seen so much, and live through so much more, for him to be able to compare... 

So, you look at him and marvel at a Shadowhunter generation that... doesn't have to be... shadowhunters if they don't wish to, at shadowhunters and even downworlders, that can be anything they want, even if that means living as mundanes...

And..., you can't also help but wonder, what would Izzy have been if given the chance, Jace? would Clary have returned to art? Simon to music? and... what would he have done?

"Probably the same" you whisper to yourself, after all... you couldn't quite manage to imagine him as anything but The  
"Same what?" Michael asks you with that curiousness, that sometimes 'til manages to confuse you and make you wonder if at some point Simon's bloodline didn't get mixed with Jace's (though you, of course, know that's not the case, or at least not yet. You have been keeping track).  
"nothing"  
"were you thinking about them again? about him?" The young Herondale asks again, this time with some concern, knowing how difficult the subject is to you.  
"More or less" you admit, taking a sip of your drink  
"You know... you don't have to stay if you don't want too" Michael offers "we all know how difficult it's for you around this time of the year, they will understand"  
"And miss Emma Lovelace's big announcement?" you ask managing to conjure playful smile "I don't think so, let's go".

Sometimes, it's difficult to look at them, and not because they look like the people that you used to know, but quite the contrary. 'Cause you have to actively force yourself to not look for the similarities.

At times you have played with the idea of just going away, or just vanishing from their lives and finally, finally move on, but...

"ALEC!" a long-haired brunette in her early 20's crashes into you, and proceeds to ambush you with hugs and kisses, before you can even confirm that yes, that's in fact, Emma.

But before you can greet her properly, you hear someone behind you say...

"Alec? I thought that was Mag-"  
"Shhh! shut up! don't say a thing"  
"But isn't that Magnus..."  
"How long have you been away from the states?!"  
"Almost 700 years now, but what does that have to do with..."  
"Let's just say there's a lot you have to learn and go ok. And just for future reference, that's Alec Lightwood-Bane, High Warlock of New York"

"Alec?" Emma calls his name worriedly, and yes it is HIS name, the name of the person you loved the most, the person whom at all cost, YOU don't wish to forget... ever. "Are you ok?" she asks, looking at you carefully along with the rest of her family and friends, their family and friends, HIS family  
"Of course, sweetpea. Do not worry yourself about it" you manage a smile, that you know doesn't quite reach your eyes "but... I think I'll have to catch you all at another time, ok?", and so... you leave before anyone can do anything about it, playing deaf at the frantic cries of HIS name.

Truth is..., you have portal back to your place, but... with the years, and thanks in great part to him, you learned to enjoy walking down New York streets, and try to find remains of what this city used to be like, of the places you held dear, just 'cause he was with you.

It's been 500 years, and you're still hung up on him, and though you can't quite remember the color of his eyes (were they blue? brown?) your love for him remains, just as his name.

Pictures can be lost and erased, stories fade away, memories be forgotten, so, in an effort to not let him share the same destiny that so many have in the past, in an effort to keep him with you... , you took his name, 'cause... if everyone were to call you by his name, for hundreds of years, for the rest of your lifetime, maybe, just maybe his memory would remain.


End file.
